


Dysphoria Blues

by MLMDarkFiction



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Trans Male Character, trans MC
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:21:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26645161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MLMDarkFiction/pseuds/MLMDarkFiction
Summary: Sometimes when things are the toughest, it's okay to ask the people closest to you for help <3
Relationships: Han Jumin/Main Character, Han Jumin/Reader, Kim Yoosung/Main Character, Kim Yoosung/Reader
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31





	1. Yoosung

**____ : ** Hey Yoosung?

It’s only a text. 

A simple text.

It’s not like you two haven’t texted privately without the gaze of the other RFA members, before. 

But all those other instances...It was mostly him who initiated it. 

You’re texting him! 

You’re really texting him!

And he didn’t even text you first!

He couldn’t be more thrilled if he tried. 

Unfortunately for his grades, Yoosung’s homework has been completely ignored, and in his rush to respond back he’s almost completely dropped his phone on his face. 

**Yoosung :** YES  
  
  
**Yoosung : ** Sorry! OMG I didn’t mean to use all caps!!!

He doesn’t have the excuse of caps lock, after all he’s using a phone, not a computer. 

Thankfully for him, you find him and his eagerness cute. 

It takes a while before he gets another text from you. 

He spends the minutes waiting, and watching the three little bubbles on his phone that indicate you’re typing. 

There’s no way for the blonde to know it yet, but it’s taking you so long to respond back because you’re 

It wasn’t long into your time with the RFA that you told them you were trans. There was just something about the way they assumed you were a woman right away that had made you uncomfortable, so not only did you tell them you were a man, but you told them  _ why  _ exactly that had bothered you. 

And to your surprise, everyone had taken it relatively well!

But it doesn’t mean you’re any less anxious. You doubt you’ll ever get over being anxious when it comes to these things. 

Finally though you’re able to steel your resolve, and send the text. 

**____ : ** Do you think there’s anything I could do to pass better?

It takes Yoosung an embarrassing time to realize what you mean. He’s still not the most informed about trans issues, despite trying to learn more so that he can (one day) be a better partner to you. 

He wants to be someone you can rely on!

**____ : ** Passing. 

More texts, because he took way too long to reply.

**____ : ** Or like…

**____ : **I just want to look more masculine, you know? Like you

You think he looks masculine? 

Yes!

Fuck yes!

But…

Here comes the problem. 

  
  


Yoosung has never really thought about how he looks, not in the sense of masculinity. 

In fact he only really thinks about how he looks when Zen or someone else brings it up. 

He kind of just...wears the one hoodie, and aside from a couple of incidents when he was younger no one’s ever really mistaken him for a girl before. 

So he just responds the best way he knows how, even if it’s kind of cheesy. 

**Yoosung : ** I don’t know how to help with that. 

And...For good measure he sends his regular starry eyed emoji before continuing his text, unaware his pause caused you more anxiety.    
  


**Yoosung : ** You’re already more masculine than me!

It’s an honest answer.

If anyone else had said it you wouldn’t have believed them, you would have chalked it up to them just wanting to humor you, but coming from someone like Yoosung you were inclined to believe him. 


	2. Jumin

You’re happy. 

Happier now then you had been in a while. 

Perhaps for the first time ever truly in your life. 

It didn’t mean you still didn’t have troubles, or anxieties. 

Like now. 

Even as you’re holding onto Jumin’s arm you can’t help but feel a little...self conscious at his side. 

It’s nothing he or his business partners have done, that’s just how it is sometimes, especially when dysphoria is involved.

There’s nothing to cause it. 

Sometimes it’s just sudden. 

Something about being in the room with a bunch of rich and powerful men, although as Jumin’s husband you too are technically a rich and powerful man, makes you feel bad about yourself. 

You manage to find a moment in between the conversation to quietly interject, 

“Excuse me, Gentlemen, I’m going to go to the restroom.” 

There’s nothing off putting about the statement. The meeting had been going on for about an hour now, it was only natural  _ someone  _ at the meeting would need to excuse themselves. 

No one thinks anything of it. 

No one but Jumin. 

And since you’re leaving you don’t notice you’re being watched. You don’t see the way Jumin’s dark eyes follow your form as you leave. 

Having anxiety meant that running away to hide in bathrooms, or any other private space you could find, wasn’t exactly uncommon. 

It’s nothing new. 

You avoid the sight of the mirrors, your own reflection, like the plague as you make your way to a stall, quickly closing it and taking a deep breath. 

A moment of peace, a moment to regain your thoughts. That’s all you needed. 

Although you know it’s unlikely anyone in the meeting had bad thoughts about you, and even less likely they’d voice them around Jumin, it didn’t help the deep seeded paranoia. That somehow everyone knew you were trans, and that because of them knowing they viewed you as less than them. 

And Jumin could only do so much to protect you.    
  
He hadn’t asked you to even come along on this trip, you’d been the one to offer, wanting to stop hiding in the shadows but…

People talk. 

Tabloids talk. 

The more you find yourself stuck alone in the stall trying to force yourself to calm down the more worked up you become. 

When someone finally knocks on the stall you almost jump out of your skin entirely. 

“Uh-” You clear your throat, and try to make your voice sound deeper in your anxiety. “Occupied?”

A familiar sigh sounds from behind the door, and instantly your shoulders droop with lessened anxiety. 

“____?” 

“...Yeah.” 

  
As soon as you’ve opened the stall door you’re pulled tightly into a hug. 

Jumin doesn’t necessarily understand exactly what you’re going through, you both know it. You’ve tried to explain dysphoria to him before, and although he understands the basics that’s all really...and to be fair it’s not as if a cis person ever could  **truly** understand what gender dysphoria is like…

But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to do everything in his power to make you feel better. 

And at least, no matter how you saw yourself, you knew Jumin saw you as his husband. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be sure to let me know if you guys want more of these dysphoria comfort fics for MM characters, and if you'd be interested in ones with a female, and nonbinary reader as well! <3

**Author's Note:**

> This was a request on tumblr that I really, REALLY liked, so much so that I'm tempted to not only make a chapter for every member of RFA (and V and Unknown) but if there's enough interest check doing a version for NB and Trans Woman reader as well because there's simply not enough reader inserts out there for trans people.


End file.
